Five Things Not to Do/Say to a Pregnant Woman
So someone you know tells you she is pregnant. Yay! Congratulations! Woohoo there’s another human coming into the world! While it can be very exciting and you want to ask ALL THE QUESTIONS and give all your advice and say all the things – there are some things you just shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman.
Pregnancy hormones are no joke. You don’t feel like yourself, it’s possible you’re feeling nauseated most of the day, and you’re feeling a little like a beached whale. Your organs are being pushed out of place, you can’t control your bladder, and you’re feeling extra protective of the little life inside of you. So even if said comment or question isn’t really meant to be offensive, pregnant women are on edge all the time, and any one or all of the above factors can contribute to her getting upset over a comment that is made. But these?
These are typically the worst offenders. They come from friends, family, and strangers alike, and they can ruffle the feathers of even the most chill pregnant women. So next time someone tells you they are pregnant, avoid these actions/statements.
- Touching a pregnant woman’s belly. I always say, “If you didn’t put it there, don’t touch it.” Unless a pregnant women tells you it’s okay to touch her belly, IT IS NOT OKAY to touch a woman’s stomach when you haven’t been invited to. When I was pregnant with Caleb, this didn’t bother me. But this time around, I don’t feel like being touched. Alternatives: None. Just don’t do it.
- “I hope it’s a girl/boy!” I get it. People want to make conversation. They don’t mean any harm by it. But all I care about is that this baby is healthy and whole and that I am healthy. I will not love this child any more whether it is a male or female, and I don’t think that one sex or the other will more fully complete my family. In the Hispanic culture it’s so desirable to have “la parejita” – a boy and a girl. But I also see the positives of having two children of the same sex. Either way, this child will be so loved. I almost don’t even mind not knowing and I really think I could wait until the baby is born to find out (still working on the hubs on this one!). Alternatives: “I’ll hope for a great pregnancy and a happy and healthy baby.” or “Everyone is so excited to see what this little one will look like!”
- “You’re really big!” or any variation of this, including, “You must be about to pop!” or “Are you sure there’s not more than one in there?” Just. Don’t. We already feel uncomfortable about our bodies, everything is changing, including things we never dreamed of, and here you are, telling us we look huge. Why, thank you. Next time I see you I’ll be sure to ask you when you’re due, too. Oh, you’re not pregnant? Sorry, not sorry… Alternatives: “You look beautiful,” “Your belly is perfect,” and if you really want to win points, “Wow you’re not showing much at all!”
- “You should really be careful with…” Our obstetricians give us a gigantic list of things we can and cannot do. We are already feeling semi-deprived of wine, sushi, and some of our favorite cheeses. Don’t start telling us all these made up wives tales about not going out in the eclipse and not using knives and all this craziness! And don’t judge her if she does have a glass of wine – odds are her doctor cleared it and that’s the one glass she is drinking all week! Alternatives: “Is there anything I can get for you?” “What would you like for dinner tonight?”
- Horror stories about some acquaintance during their pregnancy. I know. People want to be relatable and they want to tell their cautionary tales. But no pregnant woman needs to hear about your friend of a friend who threw up every day of her pregnancy until the day she gave birth. Alternatives: “You’re going to be feeling better in no time,” or “Is there anything I can help you with?”
You’re welcome in advance for helping you avoid a sty in your eye – you know, one of those old wives tales. 😉
xoxo,
